Humour
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After Celtics deal with Nike has ended they are to be sponsored by Tampax. The board thought it was appropriate as they are going through a very bad period.
2. An Aussie tourist arrived in New Zealand, hired a car and set off for the wilderness.
On his way he saw a bloke having sex with a sheep.
Deeply horrified, he pulled up at the nearest pub and ordered a straight Scotch. Just as he was about to throw it back, he saw a bloke with one leg masturbating furiously at the bar.
"Fer fuck's sake!" the bloke cried, "what the hell's going on here? I've been here one hour and I've seen a bloke banging a sheep, and now some bloke's spanking himself in the bar!"
"Fair go, mate," the bartender told him, "you can't expect a man with one leg to catch a sheep."
On his way he saw a bloke having sex with a sheep.
Deeply horrified, he pulled up at the nearest pub and ordered a straight Scotch. Just as he was about to throw it back, he saw a bloke with one leg masturbating furiously at the bar.
"Fer fuck's sake!" the bloke cried, "what the hell's going on here? I've been here one hour and I've seen a bloke banging a sheep, and now some bloke's spanking himself in the bar!"
"Fair go, mate," the bartender told him, "you can't expect a man with one leg to catch a sheep."
Humour (continued)
4. one day i was walking past this loonybin (asylum) and i heard them all shouting over the wall, 13, 13, 13, 13, so i said to myself what are they all up to now in there i noticed the wall had a hole in it so i keeked through and someone poked my eye with their finger then i heard 14, 14, 14, 14,.....
5. Husband and wife are shopping in Tesco's when the man picks up a crate of Stella and sticks them into the trolley
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife "They're on offer, only £10 for 24 cans", he says
"Put them back. We can't afford it," says the wife and they carry on shopping...
A few aisles later the woman picks up a £20 jar of face cream and sticks it into the trolley.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the man, "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," she says.
The man replies... "SO DOES 24 CANS OF STELLA AND IT'S HALF THE F***ING PRICE"
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife "They're on offer, only £10 for 24 cans", he says
"Put them back. We can't afford it," says the wife and they carry on shopping...
A few aisles later the woman picks up a £20 jar of face cream and sticks it into the trolley.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the man, "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," she says.
The man replies... "SO DOES 24 CANS OF STELLA AND IT'S HALF THE F***ING PRICE"
6. A Jamaican couple, a Gers couple and a tim couple all have babies the same day! Unfortunately the mid-wife mixes the babies up in the ward and says that the fathers will have to go and get their own kids. The Gers father immediately picks up a black baby, in doing so the Jamaican guy says 'what you doing mate, thats clearly my kid'. The Gers father says 'listen pal one of those kids is a tim and I'm no taking the chance'
IF anyone has a joke post them into the chatroom or the guest book and i will put them on this page thanks..
welcome
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